Forgotten but not gone...

Sometimes I would just like to forget how I came to be who I am today. Mostly it's just embarrassing. I hate thinking about it. Why would I ever think about it then? Old friends keep popping up. I don't have to actually talk to them but their presence is there. It's like someone knocking on your door. You could just pretend you aren't home but while you are doing it you feel like an idiot. Maybe they don't remember me as the awkward, clumsy, insensitive and stupid me but I think that would be too much to hope for. I can't help but shake my head at my thinking back then. If I didn't think that these memories helped me to become a better person and if I didn't think that they still remind me to try to become better, I would wish for selective amnesia. Then if someone said do you remember that day on the bus... I would honestly be able to say nope. And what, I ask, do you say to someone you haven't talked to since the 7th grade!? I barely knew you then and now on top of not knowing what to say to you, I wouldn't even recognize you if you were right in front of me.
I guess that you should always try to make room for a friend and I'm not saying that I don't want to get to know these people again but it almost like becoming friends again with someone you had a horrible falling out with. It makes me feel all squirmy. I want to but I don't and the whole time there is this overwhelming feeling that maybe I should be apologizing for how I acted but then I would have to bring it up and maybe they forgot. I hope they forgot...
P.S. Only 2 days left of babysitting. I'm totally jazzed about this and at the same time a little sad. I like it most of the time. I will miss the twins and the sister when she is having a good day.
P.P.S The spellcheck suggested that I replace jazzed with jacked. I thought that was quite funny and mildly appropriate.