Gut Feelings

I like to think that I have good interpersonal skills usually. I like to think that I am brave in the face of danger or social awkwardness. I like to think that I can keep a secret. I like to think that I think before I act. I like to think that I am tolerant and patient. The truth of the matter is that I am somewhat less then what I would like to be. Things collide and force us to face the truth about ourselves and decide which path is better for us to take. You sit there and stare at the road less traveled and then decide to travel the more beaten path only to realize that you don't know where you are and now have to backtrack. It is easy to slip into the nothingness of society. You don't realize that life has run away with you and that you have changed. You have to re-evaluate yourself. Have you lost what is most important? Have you changed at the core? Can you still feel good about who you are? Even when you answer in the positive, you still feel like something is wrong. The problem lies with the outward expression of the inner expressions. What is appropriate for me to say or do around people. The human persona has always fascinated me. How can you tell how to act around certain people in almost an instant? How can you determine someone you know you can be a friend with from almost the first meeting or someone you hope to never speak to again? First impressions are often false but I have yet to feel that they really are. I prefer to believe that perspectives change. They change how they think about you and therefore their actions toward you change or vice versa. These feelings about people are unarticulated and yet are the most powerful and potent. They determine the fate of the relationship. They focus everything. Focused in the wrong direction they could destroy but when channeled properly they bring lifetime friendships and unwavering loyalty and admiration. I don't know what my point is. I know that there is one. I guess I just don't want to be afraid to be a friend. Last week I was a total jerk to someone in a somewhat precarious position. I wish I was brave enough to face embarrassment. I don't even know this person's name or I would apologize. Maybe he doesn't even remember what happened but it made me pause and think about who I have become and what I should do to become a better person than I am now.
P.S. There is the whole silly love triangle thing going on within my group of friends. I guess I shouldn't call it silly because it isn't silly to them. I just wonder how I get dragged into these things. I can't think of why they tell me either because I just tell them all the same thing. Anyhow, I hope that it doesn't get out of control.
P.P.S. There has also been some question of how soon is too soon to talk about marriage with you significant other. My roommate and her boyfriend of two weeks seem to think that now is the time. I am of the school of thought that says if you are comfortable talking about it, then go right ahead. Others seem to think that anytime before you are actually engaged is too soon. Also, I have heard something I have never heard before. Some say that you shouldn't date FHE family because you may be mistake the feeling of the Spirit for liking someone. I, for one, have never thought that liking someone and the Spirit felt the same but who am I to say maybe I think I am feeling the Spirit when I actually just have a crush on the guy standing next to me. By the by, the last sentence was meant to be sarcastic.