CRAP!

So all that stuff I said about being appreciated, forget I ever said it. Ok that is a little harsh. I have determined that the first day of classes is supposed to be an emotional roller coster. You go to class and you either like or hate it. You meet new people that you like or you don't. You get given the assignment of being an FHE group leader or you don't. I would have prefered the don't. Yes, I have been given the glorious opportunity of being co-leader of a lovely FHE group. This is part of my own personal hell, just so you know. I take that back, being relief society president would be so much worse. I guess that they can both be part of my own personal hell. I am not a take charge kind of woman. Maybe I need to learn to be. I can't figure out why they keep giving me callings like this if I am not supposed to learn to take charge. I hate basically anything where I am supposed to get any sort of attention.
P.S. Does anyone else hate the game "Do you love your neighbor?" I always end up looking like an idiot because I don't pay attention to what is going on. I hate that. I hate getting up and running around but mostly what i hate is that we played it without chairs. You can't do that. It just makes the game more stupid, if that is possible. Actually I kind of like the game when we have chairs. I like it just about as much as I like missionary tag, which is to say that I like it more that biting a duck on the butt. It doesn't take much to like something more than that.

stuff

so today is the first day of classes. I wasn't and still am not excited about school in anyway. I am excited about not having school on my birthday. I am also a little P.O.ed at a lady I went to apply for a job from. she wasn't mean or rude. I don't really know what it was and I am usually not this judgmental from the very beginning. I don't even know why I didn't like her. I also have never known how many words I can type in a minute. It just never came up in daily converstation. Maybe I should apply to be an RA. I don't really think that I would be suited for that job but I really want to find something.
New Topic: I really like being appreciated. I guess that half my apartment didn't get along with the girl who was here in my place, that half includes my current room roommie. So now that I am here, they are constantly telling me that they are so happy I am here. Also I called my friend Jacob and I guess he was having a hard time and needed to talk. He also told how appreciated I was. I don't want to sound like I need constant appreciation but it is nice every now and then.
I have to go to class now. Maybe I will write more later.

The way I am?

I was on the web this morning (still am obviously) and I was at the MSN homepage and this little blurb came up that said "Fun Facts about Virgos." I am a virgo and so naturally I was interested. I don't know why but I get a kick out of reading those things. For one thing why do they supposed that everyone born in that one month can all be so similiar. It blows my mind to think that maybe everyone born in that part of September all have the same personality. I read it and it makes me laugh when these things say that I am practical and goal oriented and have a disdain for chaos. I hate clutter, that kind of thing. The people who write these articles haven't come to visit me. Some of it is true. They only get part of my personality. I guess they have to make it general enough to fit enough people and then you just have to pick out what fits you. I have fun with personlity tests. I always end up the same thing but it is still fun. In all the tests I have taken I still end up the, to use the color code, white personality. There are always things that stand out to me though and make me go "ummm I don't know if this is right." I guess that is what happens when you are an individual.
Off subject: I have to go get a new ID. This is the 3rd one I have had to get since I started school a year ago. What the crap! I really hate those pictures. They are worse than driver's licenses. I went to get done yesterday but the line was so long, it was out the door. I saw that and said to myself "Heck no! Screw that!" So I have to get it done today. I really hate those things. Plus I got a sunburn this time which I got from the round trip of an hour walking to Walmart to buy a movie that everyone and their dog owns but I couldn't seem to get my hands on a copy yesterday so I went and bought it and on the way home I ran into a guy I know and talked with him for like thirty minutes outside and I was tired and just wanted to go home but I couldn't because he kept talking. Hows that for a run on sentence!

Really tired

I am probably making a big mistake blogging when I am so tired. I keep making really bad spelling errors. Luckily I catch them before they get to far. If there are still some when I publish it is because I am too lazy to use the spell check tonight. I just got back to Rexburg. Ahh good old Rexburg. It is just the same as it was before. I think that I am a little different. I am very excited to see my roommates. I really like these girls. So I went to visit a friend tonight. He is probably the only person in town, right now, that I know. He is a good guy but I realized again tonight that while he is still my friend we have chosen different paths to follow. Not like opposite sides of the world paths but more like I want to walk to school this way and he chooses to walk through a different part. We have different veiws of what is appropriate, I guess. I still think that he is a cool guy. I never know how long friendships like this are going to last.
I also think that I have changed in myself. I went to Provo thinking that things would just end up the way they did up here. I think I became more confident in myself. I am no longer aiming to just please anyone around me. I hope that I don't lose that again. I seem to go in spurts. One day I am just myself and almost overnight I become less confident, I guess is a good way to describe it. I don't know.
Unrelated: My last week at BYU I found the duck pond or the biology pond if you prefer. I saw these ducks of course. There was this one that went completely under the water. It was cool. The others could only stick their heads under and their bottoms would wiggle above water while they tried to get whatever it si they eat. One of them was waving its hiney above water and this one other duck tried to bite its butt. Fortunately the duck was paying attention and moved before its bottom was bitten. I don't know why but I found it funny. So the moral of this story is watch your butt or someone might bite it!
I really should go to bed before I tell any more morals.

Compy!!

So this is my first post from my new laptop. I love it! It may not be the fanciest thing in the entire world but it fits me just fine. I love having the world at my fingertips. This is mine it doesn't tell my dad what websites I have visited every month. Not that my parents don't trust me. The parental controls are really for everyone's benefit but it's really frustrating when you can't even visit your own blog. Ok that is an exaggeration. I could visit my blog but I couldn't do anything on it. I couldn't visit other people's blogs. That was annoying.
So my laptop has a DVD player and I went and bought some dvds. I bought The Muppets Take Manhattan and the original Batman and Robin movie. I love that kind of stuff. My family borrows old television series from the library. I love watching M*A*S*H and 21 Jumpstreet ( who knew Johnny Depp was ever that young). I remember watching the A-Team and Batman and Robin(holy matching socks Batman!!) with my brothers when I was younger. The old Mission Impossible. The Dick Van Dyke Show. I love to see reruns of my favorite series like Boy meets World. I realized this week that no one in the eighties and early nineties knew how to act. I just laugh at the clothes and the hairstyles. It is so funny. I think about how in the future my kids will laugh at all the stuff they do now. It just makes me happy for whatever reason. I love watching the remakes of things too. Like the Italian Job. Have you ever seen the original? My suggestion is, don't. The new one is better. I heard that Ocean's Eleven was a remake too but I have never had a desire to see the first one.
New line: I go back to school the day after tomorrow. I am very excited. My brother called at told me that I got accepted to BYU (complicated story about how he knows before I even get the letter and maybe even before I turn in my application?!). I am excited to return to school and live on my own again. Time at home always does me good though. I get time to relax and spend time with my family. I took my little brother to see Charlie and the Chocolate factory yesterday. It was fun and I liked the movie. He is now almost as tall as I am. I fully expect this Christmas to be the shortest in the room (sigh). The only thing is that you get so accustomed to living on your own that it is annoying to have the responsibility of other people. Not that I take care of them but you have to sometimes watch what you say or how you say it. You have to take their feelings into consideration. You have to do that with everyone but it's not the same. You are with family all the time. It can be a little overwhelming.

...Jiggity Jig

So I've been home for week now. I haven't gone crazy yet. I think part of that has been that I went to work for this past week. I use to work full time in the medical records department of a pediatric doctors office. It was ok. It's tedious, boring, frustrating and annoying so you can't really have fun at that job. That is unless you are like the people who use to work there. There was the only guy in the entire office who pretty much did as little as possible. Also my sister in law who is amazing. She is also somewhat of a workaholic. She would do the things that me and the other guy wouldn't do. Then all of us quit. Not at the same time. The sister in law got a promotion. The guy went to work at a bar and train to be a fireman. I went to school.

This past week they asked me to come work. I thought they didn't have anyone to work there. I was wrong. They have hired a new girl. She is semi-trained, just enough so that she knows basically how to do things but still doesn't know what she is doing. She is also extremely quiet and I think she has better learn to step up or prepare to be fired. The people they have hired in the past must have been idiots because I have found more things in the wrong place or not done then I did in the entire year I worked there. Not knowing where a chart is makes that job extremely frustrating. You call the other offices to see if they have a chart and they act like you are a idiot for asking them because that kid is obviously seen at your office. I just didn't know where else to look. I didn't think that you could misfile a name that started with a Z. There is only one place for it! How can you misfile it! Stupidity almost always surprises me. On another note I hate outcards. These cards are supposed to make it easier to find a chart. They are time consuming to make and I never look at them anyway. If it isn't in the files then it must be somewhere else. If it's somewhere else I get to leave the dark, dank hole called medical records to look for it and maybe talk to people other than the quiet girl at the other side of the desk. So why would I want to know exactly where it was anyway. Plus I cut myself on an outcard at least once a day.

Different topic: Sometimes you just don't want to do what the other people are doing. My roomies are planning a trip down to Utah for Labor day weekend ( my birthday is Labor day). I don't think I want to go. Only catch is that someone (she knows who she is) might feel bad enough to try and stay home with me because it is my birthday. Pretty much I don't care if they are home on my birthday. Perhaps they should consider it their present to me to have the apartment all to myself. I have more friends then just them. True they are the main ones and the ones I have the most fun with but I can find someone else to hang with for that weekend. Plus I don't want to go hang at the lakeside with them. To work on my tan. Ok I have enough of a farmer's tan from Provo, I don't need to make it worse.

Toilet Mold

Warning: Today's blog contains material that some might find rather disgusting, I know I did. If you just randomly picked this blog to read today and the title scared you, you can always choose to read this blog on a different day when the topic is not toilet mold.
Clean checks are tomorrow but since I am leaving tomorrow, I did my jobs today. My job was to clean the bathroom. I know many of you are groaning in sympathy and sorrow at my unfortunate luck but I chose to clean the bathrooms. I repeat, I chose to clean the bathrooms. I like to clean the bathrooms. They are small and easy to clean. People assume that the bathrooms are always disgusting. This is not entirely true. Bathrooms have the potential to be full of disgusting things but most people prefer to use a clean bathroom and therefore will periodically clean them on their own. This applies to almost everything in the bathroom except the toilet. Nobody likes to clean the toilet. I don't like to clean the toilet. I think that maybe guys don't have the same toilet problems that girls have. We see that the seat is clean and that the bowl isn't too disgusting and we are ok with that or we swab it with the brush. Guys usually have the seat up so maybe they see the reality of the dirtiness of their toilets but I don't know if they do anything about it, I don't even know if any of that is true. I live in women's housing and the only time the seat of a toilet is lifted is cleaning checks. So the dingy whatever that is in the bowl of the toilet isn't dirt. It's mold and it is slowly creeping up the bowl and out onto the rim. All these girls who think that it's ok because it's not that dirty, don't realize that the mold is climbing higher and getting bigger and may one day take over their bathroom and then... The world! This evil genius while seemingly benign and non threatening when attacked emits an aura of disgusts that can be so strong it might make you want to throw up. The only way to counter this menace is to scrub and scrub and scrub. Don't forget to use gloves and something disinfecting like bleach or toilet cleaner but don't use both. Ammonia and bleach should never mix and the fumes they make combined could kill you and I am not joking about this.
So anyway this is how I spent my Friday morning up to my elbows in toilet mold. Don't worry I had gloves on. Of course it doesn't really matter because what could be more disgusting then toilet mold even when you are protected. I hope to never see a toilet that disgusting ever again. I wonder if I will ever feel clean again.
New topic: My friend came and visited me yesterday. It was nice, if a little too long. I realized, later through out the night sometime after the ice cream we had to celebrate our last night as apt. 6, that people don't see things like I do. I have realized that before but last night it really hit me. I know things that some people don't because I am everyone's little sister. I am non threatening and so they generally tell me things that they normally wouldn't. It's hard to keep your mouth shut when someone asks you something and you know somethings that maybe they should know. Then you realize something else, that this person has no idea what they are getting into. My dilemma is, should I have told this person what I know or do what I did and just nod my head and stuff my mouth with food. I don't know.

IT'S OVER!!

School is done and I can once again breath easy, for about two seconds. I went to take my last final in the Richards building today and while I was walking there, I was about 20 minutes early, I saw two groups of guys playing basketball. I dubbed them the old, sweaty guys and the young, sweaty guys. It was interesting to watch them play. The older gentlemen seemed to have been playing with each other a long time. They were coordinated. They knew where their team was. The younger gentlemen were more intense. Their competitive natures were oozing all over the floor. They had more hot shots and ball hogs. Their game was less organized and less interesting to me. I think I am applying this to my life somehow. The more time I spend with people I have known for a long time the better things seem to go. You know each others habits and what you look like pissed off. You understand and coordinate better. Other people talk to you when it is convenient for them. They don't care if you have something else going on. They want your undivided attention, now. My roommate and I were talking about how we tend to have random people spill their guts to us. I don't care, usually. I like to help people. These are also the people that decide that since they have spent so much time talking to me that they are my new best friends. Fine, whatever. I like to help people. I just wish they knew when to let me go. I don't always have to be their best friend. When they have no need of me anymore I am fine with that. Just let me go. Quit trying to keep the relationship going when you don't even really like me anymore. I can take it, trust me. It's been done before. It's also weird how some people you just get along with. There is this girl I am rooming with in the fall. She is just my friend. We didn't do anything or try hard and it just happened. Same thing happened with one of my roommates this summer. I moved in and it was a while before we really talked but we just fit. We know each others idiosyncrasies because they are the same in both of us ( for the most part). It's fun. I like it.
Something New: The sinks in the women's bathroom on the 3rd floor of the Richards building should be turned on really slow because the water rushes out real fast and splashes all over you. Just in case you ever use that bathroom. Also watch out for people dancing in the hallway there because they don't always look where they are dancing.

Brain Freeze

My brain is frozen. It's numb and I can't feel it anymore. Is that bad? The only time I find it acceptable to really study is during finals. You can ask my roommates. I say that I am going to study but in fact I am going to read a book or write or do something that I like to do. I really only use homework to get out things that really bug the crap out of me. (ex: Fashion Consultant enrichment. That's not enrichment. It's unrichment. If I had know what is was I would have said that I had homework I had to do.) So what I am trying to say is that my brain is not programmed to work this way. It's is revolting against memorizing 24 paintings plus where they are in the world today, plus who made them, plus when they made them, plus what style they made them. I think it is going to refuse to pay rent until I fix this problem. I don't know why I wrote that but it popped up in my head and came out onto the page. I apologize. I think I should go before this gets nasty.
Unrelated: I have this friendship type person that I used to live with. She has the most incredible timing. She knows down to almost exact minutes the right times to not talk to me. It's amazing! I think she is very nice person. Sweet, kind, cheerful, organized, wonderful and of good report but she just talks to me at all the wrong times. There are a few times during the day that I really just don't usually feel like conversing. There are two of these times that she would always talk to me. One is in the morning. I am not a morning person. You are very lucky if all you get is a dirty look. More than likely I will leave the room if it is occupied by a person in the morning. The other time is right after school. I do not like going to school. I don't like homework or assignments or anything like that. I am really quite tired and cranky after school (this also applies to right after work) and my brain is fried. Please don't try and talk to me! It's ok I guess because I don't live with her anymore.

The finish line is in sight

The last day of classes brings such a wonderful feeling. I know that in almost two weeks I will be starting all of this all over again. I have been going to school now for almost a year straight. Some people say I'm ambitious ( these are they same people who say they know me so well) and some say I must really hate home a lot. Both these people are wrong. I am just stupid. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I thought this was a wonderful idea. The only thing that makes up for that fact that I am going to lose my mind by next summer is all the crazy people I have met and I am not just talking about the people I met in Utah. Some would say that isn't enough to risk melting your brain but I say who needs a brain. This probably explains a lot. Finals are in 2 days and then it's all over ( for now).
New Topic: So in my first aid class today I had to take a bandaging test. It was fun. I really would have liked to see peoples expressions as they walked by with all these people in there saying things like, "pretend you just fell off a cliff and fractured you tibia", "no, no you are supposed to have a fractured clavicle." The one I liked the most were the people who had cravat bandages wrapped over their eyes. It looked like you were preparing to play pin the tail on the donkey.

Some things make me happy

There are a couple things that make me happy. One of these is getting out of things. I really enjoy it when I can say " oh my goodness I can't attend because..." I mostly love it when I have an actual excuse and am not just making one up. This doesn't happen in my life very often. I think one of the reasons I am enjoying this so much is because the person that would insist I go can't tell me that I should be going because it's more important. At college, the ultimate excuse is homework. You can't say something is more important then working hard to get a good grade. I am not saying that is what I am doing today but it is what I should be doing. I also love it because I got tricked into going to something this week when I would have used a fake excuse to get out of. I think the activity would be more fun then homework but what can you do I actually have some for the first time this summer. I think it is this kind of attitude that causes people to sometimes think I am anti-social, which isn't true most of the time.
Something Else: I didn't talk to the guy in the library. He left while I wasn't looking. I seriously think that is a good thing because I would have gone, "Hi Darrence. How's your summer been?" He would have looked at me and said "who are you again?" I hung out with friends of his in Idaho and I swear I have met him like 10 times. I think about every other time he asks me what my name is. I also have a hard time with him because so many girls seem to throw themselves at him that I don't think I could ever be ok with liking him. Maybe I'm being difficult refusing to like the guys that everyone likes but it makes me feel like I am doing my part in resisting peer pressure.
10 things I really like:
10) the smell of dryers running(especially when it's cold out and they are smoky.)
9) Pushing buttons(actual buttons and sometimes people's)
8) Jamba Juice (I don't really know why)
7)French Fries and Ice Cream (not together...gross)
6)Cheez-its(mmm) and Wheat thins(the snack and the person)
5)Pink flip flops (because I do)
4)Homestar ( everone likes homestar)
3)Where's Waldo books( how does that blasted man hide so well?)
2)Playing nintendo( yeah I admit it)
1)Reading( see profile)

Upside down

So I was wondering, is the world upside down. Our eyes see things upside down and our brain changes things rightside up. We see things wrong but our brain, by God's infinite wisdom, can fix it. What happens when we put on the glasses that make everything upside down again? Our brain fixes it again. When we take the glasses off, same thing. Our brain can fix many problems we face. My question is this, what happens when your brain is the problem? Can it fix itself? I don't just mean literally. I quite often have problems doing things wrong. I make mistakes. Sometimes my brain can fix it and other times it is the source of the problem. My current problem includes a boy in this very library. I know him, kind of. He's cute and I think I should go and talk to him but probably won't and plus he looks busy. I know him from Idaho and he is an EFY counselor for the summer but he doesn't know me. Sad and story of my life. I think that I might just go now. This is going to be awkward.
Other things: I told my brother about this blog. I wasn't keeping it hidden. Maybe sort of but that wasn't my original intent. You can tell the whole world about it. Tell your friends, neighbors and country men. I don't care!!! Let all who wish to hear about the mundane life that I live come and feel better about their own here.

Love is in the air

Not for me though. That's good actually. It makes me happy. I was talking about these people I know. Well several people. It is amazing how well these people seem to fit together. I really expect them to get married. It's those kinda couples, the ones that you don't think about putting together until they get together. When they do you think, "duh!" They are perfect for one another. I like that. It's fun to think that some people just fit. Of course I wonder is there someone I just fit with and if so, where is he? Of course, I don't want to find him now so it's just as well that he is MIA. I would like to feel like I could talk to these people together though. I know that they are fine by themselves and fine with me talking to them but I always feel like I should give them some alone time or something. Oh well. I will have to get used to this I think. They are very cute together in a nauseating kind of way(one of the couples anyway)
Now for something completely different: Sometimes I get this uncontrollable urge to shop. I know that isn't all that weird for girls but it is weird for me. I feel like buying clothes. Stupid fashion consultant. I didn't like her advice but talking about being not satisfied with your clothing makes me realize, when I finally could ignore it, that I am not satisfied with my apparel choices. Oh well.

Released from prison

Walking into the room. It's dark and you trip on the stairs, heading for the back. It's cold. Thumping and grinding noises make you look backwards at nothing. "Welcome to class. Today we will be covering architecture." says this man in the front. He looks and teaches like this class is the one that will save you from your own ignorance. You poor fools, is what his body language tells me. I am going to teach you what it means to be human.
I personally don't like humanities class. I like humanities. I think that learning about the great things people have accomplished is important and inspiring. I will never be able to paint like Michelangelo or compose music like Mozart or Bach. I will never build buildings like Frank Lloyd Wright ( I'm not sure if I would want to build like him) or dance like Isadora Duncan (if you call that dancing). I won't ever be able to write like Shakespeare ( I do like to confuse people).
I can however appreciate all these things and I did...before humanities class. Well I still appreciate them. It's just sitting in that class with these people that sometimes are so full of themselves and their own intellect. It makes me want to scream. I think that this class should be classified as a form of torture sometimes. When I walk in it's like I am overcome with this urgency to leave. I watch the clock tick every minute by and wish every minute that this was the minute I am waiting for. The minute I am released from prison. I was serious about the lighting and the cold and the noise. I feltthe first time in class that I had warped into the last level of Super Mario Bros. 3 I think. The one where you have to run through Bowser' castle. It 's all dark and you hear this breathing and thwomping and stuff. Then you reach Bowser and he's all smug and breathing stuff at you. My teacher isn't really like that. He's a nice guy but he majored in Humanities. Ok so that is like every Mario bros. ever made.
Random Thoughts: I am EVERYONE'S little sister. I am ok with that, I guess. It does mean I get teased a lot. Not like I haven't had practice with that all my life.

I don't want to be like that

So I often go around and try to do whatever it is that I am supposed to do in this life. Occasionally I run into people. Ok most of the time I run into people literally and figuratively. There are things that I notice in myself when I come in contact with these people. One is that I immediately submerge my own personality. Maybe not totally and there are people in this world who actually bring my personality out or at least aspects that are normally hidden ( my oldest brother and his roommates for instance). Generally though I become a blank slate. I watch you and you through your own personality tell me how I am supposed to act around you. Eventually if you spend enough time with me you be given the opportunity to talk to the real me (once again my bro. and his roomies, that was weird). So I think that there are people out there who think they know me. I am not kidding or trying to sound all woe is me no one understands because I know the opposite is true. Yet there are literally people out there you tell other people that they know me so well. I am such and such a way and think this and this and this. They are wrong. In fact the more they stray from basic facts the more they have a tendency to get it wrong. My first semester in college I realized that this is going to get me nowhere fast. I would end up with a bunch of people again that I have to pretend with. I am not saying I went out and did a 180 and totally changed. Heck no, I like my built in security system. It works for those minor inconveniences. I did start to pick people for friends that I felt like I could be myself with. Unfortunately, I think I only convinced myself. Some people are acting surprised at the things I will say and do. This kind of worries me. Oh well.
Other new: So despite the fact that I totally went off on my mom last time, that is not the way I want to be. My mother is an awesome and amazing lady. Plus she is surprisingly funny. She has done more for me and sacrificed more than I would care to think about. This doesn't, however, exclude her from occasionally making me frustrated. I think that I am going to work on this.